Brace yourself, because woke trigger season is here

If you have any woke friends, they’re going to need help soon! It’s the worst time of year for certain woke seasonal allergies.

I don’t mean pollen or ragweed. The period from October to December is peak trigger season for many liberals. And it begins on October 12.

Yes, October 12. This year, the actual anniversary coincides with the historical date. It’s the 534th anniversary of a Genoese genocidal colonialist bringing disease and death to the irenic native peoples of a place later erroneously renamed America.

In other words, it’s Columbus Day.

Many woke jurisdictions will attempt to mitigate woke reactions by renaming it “Indigenous Peoples’ Day.” Undoubtedly, that will be accompanied by a proliferation of “land acknowledgement” professions, whereby liberals will wring their hands about the “unceded lands” they occupy, but really have no intention of giving back, especially if that would include their gated oceanfront properties.

We will be told that pre-Columbian America was a Rousseauian paradise of noble, peaceful peoples, tragically disturbed by Columbus and the evil Hispanidad that followed. (The Catholic liturgical calendar celebrates the feast of the North American Martyrs on October 19–eight Jesuits brutally murdered between 1642 and 1649—worth remembering when one is told of the “peaceful” state of native Americans.)

Although Columbus Day was promoted in part by Italians to show that America’s founding included those lousy “papist” Catholics and not just the noble WASPs that sailed the Mayflower, the patriotic flavor of the holiday has largely been lost. Growing up in New Jersey, I remember when kids traced figures of the Niña, Pinta, and Santa Maria to put on school windows. Show me an example of that today.

Happily, Columbus Day is one of those federal “holidays” observed more in the breach than in reality. Schools and government institutions (often one and the same) will obligatorily close. The former will likely throw in a few “professional training days” before October 12 to lengthen the break. But most Americans in real jobs will be working. “Those who have the day off will honor the errant sailor in their own way—by sleeping in or heading to a sale.”

But Columbus Day only starts it all. By early October, the warning signs are there. People don’t buy Columbus Day decorations or greeting cards. Here in Virginia, however, several stores have already taken out the garland, while signs on the road are advertising services to help you mount lights on your house.

Once we get past Columbus Day, the next holiday looms: Thanksgiving. True, Halloween falls between, with its pan-sexualized and neo-occult modern character providing some relief to triggered leftists. But Turkey Day is coming, and, unlike Columbus Day, it is far less avoidable. In fact, people actually plan to do things around it: Thanksgiving week is a peak travel week.

There’s no avoiding this further infringement on indigenous rights, veganism, and your space safe from obnoxious relatives. Since it’s likely you’ll be forced to cohabit the same dinner table with less progressive thinkers, it’s vital to have talking points at the ready, so that you can correct mistaken and erroneous criticisms of socialism, one-payer medical care, and climate change. You might also want to talk about how Thanksgiving epitomizes the unjust dispossession and occupation of Native American lands, beginning in Massachusetts and spreading across the continent.

Once Thanksgiving is over, however, comes the holiday that dare not speak its name. Indeed, in many parts of America, Thanksgiving weekend is the occasion when many Americans go in search of one of its key accoutrements: the tree.

Yes, I’m talking about Christmas. The “inclusive” will, of course, deny it its identity. It’ll morph into “the holidays” or “winter holiday.” The pagan-inclined will even salute “winter solstice.” But call it “Christmas” and one can already see the speaker is a mouth-breathing, MAGA, right-wing nationalist Christian supremacist ready to “impose” his views on Americans.

This year, I will not be surprised if Democratic Socialists (outside of New York’s Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez) resurrect Lucy’s famous line when, explaining to Charlie Brown what the holiday is, exclaims: “We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big Eastern syndicate, you know.”

And there is something to be said for that when Christmas decorations already pop up in stores in early October, while the entire transition between Thanksgiving and Christmas is mediated by selling: Midnight Madness, Black Friday, Local Saturday, Giving Sunday, Virtual Monday, and so forth.

One can hardly imagine how the old and the woke can’t wait until Twelfth Night (January 6th) to celebrate that proper ending to the “holiday season”: Insurrection Day!

The modern progressive cultural establishment increasingly treats traditional American and Christian symbols as politically problematic. So, my recommendations are twofold.

First, celebrate. Eat the turkey. Put up the Christmas tree. Say “Merry Christmas.” Remember Columbus. Thank God for what is good in our inheritance. Recognize that America was discovered by Columbus, has a heritage of thanking Divine Providence for the blessings of liberty, and is still a country in which the majority of people define themselves by what is properly celebrated on Christmas—the birth of our Lord and Savior.

Second, be charitable. Your woke relative is suffering from a serious seasonal condition. Don’t exacerbate the symptoms. Offer sympathy. After all, with Fauci retired, who is going to develop their boosters?

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