For nearly 30 years, José Ignacio and Claudia Celis built a marriage filled with joys, children, shared projects, and the difficulties inherent in life together. But about six years ago, an unexpected trial arose: Claudia was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s at the age of 44.
Since then, José Ignacio has had to learn a new way of loving, one that is deeper and more self-sacrificing, reaffirming his vocation and his desire to reach heaven together with Claudia.
“I am a man eternally in love with his wife, a family man who, before being in love with his wife, is a child of God who has found answers to many questions along the way, precisely through suffering,” he recounted in an interview with ACI Prensa, the Spanish-language sister service of EWTN News.
Claudia’s illness has changed many things in their marriage, but, he affirmed, it has not changed the promise they made on their wedding day.
“Love is a decision. Love is not a feeling. Love is a decision, and you have to decide to love every day,” he emphasized.
For him, their story is an opportunity to speak about the beauty of Catholic marriage and a promise that is not conditional on everything going well. It’s the story of a husband who, amid exhaustion, pain, and uncertainty, strives to remain by the side of the woman with whom he chose to share his life.
‘God blessed us with 30 years of a very happy marriage’
José Ignacio and Claudia, both Mexicans, met on a blind date on Aug. 31, 1997. When he saw her for the first time, José Ignacio said he remembers thinking, “Wow.” Over time, they discovered that they shared many interests and, above all, that they enjoyed being together.
They were married on March 20, 1999, at St. Engracia Parish in the Archdiocese of Monterrey in Mexico. Claudia was 24 and José Ignacio was 28. They raised a family with three children: María José, Federico José, and Anaisabel, who are their pride and joy.
They currently live in Houston; they have a 6-month-old grandson and are expecting the arrival of two more grandchildren.
From the time they were dating and throughout their married life, they have lived out a steadfast faith.
“We went to Mass every day from the time we got married,” said José Ignacio, noting that they were both aware their journey as a married couple was heading toward a destination far greater than themselves: heaven.
“God blessed us with 30 years of a very happy marriage though not without setbacks, like everyone else,” he related.
At the wedding, the priest shared a thought with them that José Ignacio still remembers: “You entered as single individuals; you will leave forever united as one.”
They looked at each other and understood that being one was not merely a nice expression.
“We truly are one,” they thought.
As the years went by, children, responsibilities, and difficult times came with it.
“Obviously, there were unpleasant moments. But I don’t remember them anymore, because I strive to always see her with love and for that love to grow,” he said.
The diagnosis that changed their lives
Claudia was 44 years old when she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimerʼs.
José Ignacio had already begun to notice some confusion, but he attributed it to fatigue. Moreover, the disease was not entirely unfamiliar to the family: Both her mother and her mother-in-law had suffered from it.
It was during a medical consultation that a neurologist noticed signs that led to further evaluations.
The diagnosis was devastating. Alzheimer’s is a neurodegenerative disease that eventually leads to death.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ website, the disease “slowly destroys memory and thinking skills and, eventually, the ability to carry out even the simplest tasks.” Furthermore, “people with Alzheimer’s also experience changes in behavior and personality.”
It is estimated that more than 6 million people living in the United States, many of whom are 65 or older, have Alzheimerʼs disease. According to the Mayo Clinic, early-onset Alzheimerʼs affects 41 out of every 100,000 people between the ages of 30 and 64.
The disease impacts many more people, such as the patientʼs family members and, above all, the person who takes on the role of caregiver, as is the case with José Ignacio.
Full-time care
Claudiaʼs treatment began shortly after her diagnosis. There is no cure for the disease, but treatment helps slow its progression. Claudia receives infusion therapy at the hospital every two weeks, or sometimes even more frequently.
During the early years, the decline was not very noticeable. However, José Ignacio explained that over the last two years, the disease has become much more apparent, particularly regarding orientation and the performance of simple tasks.
Her memory, he explained, still holds onto many recollections. But other abilities have begun to fade, and with them, the family dynamic has changed as well.
José Ignacio left his job in the financial sector and now devotes himself full time to caring for Claudia.
‘Marriage is about making your wife happy’
For José Ignacio, however, there is something that has not changed: the presence of God.
“When you have God in the midst, God dwells among Christian spouses and never leaves them,” he maintained.
That is why he views marriage not merely as living together or as a feeling that lasts only as long as circumstances are favorable.
“Marriage is about making your wife happy, and your wife’s role is to make you happy. You must dedicate yourself to your wife and choose to love her every day, because you have to nurture that love,” he explained.
Illness made the meaning of a promise even clearer to him. “When you get married, you make a promise. It is a promise in sickness and in health, for all the days of my life,” he added.
Adversity, he said, is not something couples usually imagine when they marry, yet it is part of life.
“Illness comes along. The last thing on your mind is illness, but the reality of marriage is that the very illness you vowed to face together does arrive. It will happen to one of you or the other, sooner or later.”
‘God does not send suffering’
José Ignacio rejects the idea that God is the one who sends suffering.
“God does not send suffering. Suffering happens because that is simply how life is. Quite the opposite: God is with you in your suffering; he doesn’t like to see you suffer, he weeps with you, and he gives you or tries to give you the joy to move forward and he gives you the strength,” he stated.
That conviction is what by his own account enables him to do things every day that he often feels he could not accomplish on his own. Bathing Claudia, dressing her, and assisting her with her daily activities have become part of his life.
“I couldn’t take care of Claudia on my own; the pain is overwhelming. Yet God does it — it is not to my own credit. God takes care of Claudia.”
There are even seemingly small moments that for him reflect the dignity with which he wishes to continue treating his wife: “I apply her makeup because she needs to leave the house with the dignity of a queen. And it is God who does that through me.”
“I couldn’t do it alone. Without God, I am nothing,” he emphasized.
St. Joseph and a new way of caring
When the illness began, José Ignacio turned especially to St. Joseph.
“St. Joseph, help me care for Claudia. How would you care for the Virgin if she had Alzheimer’s? [I want to do it] just like that, exactly the same way. Don’t let me fail,” he said he always prays.
St. Joseph thus became a model of a husband and caregiver: a man called to protect and serve without seeking the spotlight. Yet, José Ignacio admits it’s far from easy.
“I don’t want to lie to you by saying I don’t get tired, or that I don’t feel the urge to run, to just run away; that would be lying to you,” he acknowledged.
Loving even when illness changes the other person
One of the most difficult aspects of Alzheimer’s is the gradual loss of the reciprocity that characterizes married life.
“I know that perhaps due to the illness itself she sometimes cannot offer the reciprocity one expects, but I look for it in small gestures,” he said.
For José Ignacio, love does not vanish when the other person is no longer able to respond in the same way. On the contrary, that is precisely when the marriage vow takes on a new meaning.
“Authentic love bears the mark of permanence, of spending oneself, wearing oneself down, and giving until you can give no more… yet as long as you live, you will be able to give,” he maintained.
José Ignacio has also had to learn to take care of himself in order to be able care for his wife. His routine includes professional and spiritual guidance during the week as well as support from friends and family.
However, he points out that there is one priority above all others: “The first priority is the spiritual one. If you don’t have it, if you don’t hold fast to your spiritual life, to God, you can’t do it. We are God’s creatures. And without God, we are nothing.”
A family also learning to live with Alzheimer’s
Claudia’s illness affects more than just José Ignacio; it has also changed the lives of their three children.
One of their daughters feels the pain of losing the chance to have her mother present in the way she had envisioned for her own family. Their son wonders if his mother will be able to attend important milestones, such as his graduation. And the youngest daughter has lost the mother with whom she could talk and share her worries.
The illness has taught them that the family, too, needs to stand by and support one another.
‘Pain has taught me to try hard to be happy’
Among the things that move José Ignacio the most is the way he looks at Claudia now.
Illness has transformed her face and the way she relates to the world. He speaks of a kind of innocence he perceives in her.
And then he asks himself: “How could you not fall more in love with that every day?”
His answer lies not in denying the pain but in discovering that love can take on new forms. “Pain has taught me to try hard to be happy,” he explained.
But he also does it for Claudia. When she sees him sad, he knows his sadness affects her as well. That is why he strives for joy.
José Ignacio often says he is “God’s favorite.” Not because his life is easy, but because, despite the suffering, he recognizes that he has received the strength to keep loving.
“Because I love her more every day,” he said.
And in the most difficult moments, he said he feels they are not alone: “I know that God weeps with me, and sometimes I feel that St. Joseph and the Virgin Mary wipe away our tears.”
A promise that lives on
José Ignacio knows that Claudia’s Alzheimer’s is progressing, but his focus is on something he considers even more important.
“I have to work to earn my place in heaven. She doesn’t, but I do. So I say, ‘My God, I am increasingly aware that my work here is to earn my place in heaven.’ And at the same time, I want to be with her, walking that path.”
With each passing day, José Ignacio chooses to love. He chooses to stay. He chooses to care. He chooses to start over. Because, for him, marriage is not about hoping the cross never comes, but rather discovering that when it does, the spouses don’t have to shoulder the burden alone.
“It is very painful to walk that Way of the Cross, but what a joy it is to do so with God by your side.”
And that is perhaps the lesson he wants to leave to other husbands: that love in marriage does not lose its beauty when dark days arrive. On the contrary, it reveals the depth of the promise made one day before God.
“Love is a decision,” José Ignacio often says.
Those who wish to support José Ignacio and Claudia on this journey may do so through prayer and financial assistance. Having left his job to care for his wife, José Ignacio, along with his family, is facing the challenges brought about by the progression of Claudia’s Alzheimer’s disease.
This story was first published by ACI Prensa, the Spanish-language sister service of EWTN News. It has been translated and adapted by EWTN News English.